adam sorry; i just

left like that. Im sorry i just showed up at all, all i did was drag the mood down.

I guess this really is my last chance. I'm.. no good for you. I know your tired of hearing this word.. So ill just say it once, sorry. For dragging you down with me. For letting my jealousy take over. For everything i put you through, i just dont feel like arguing anymore and explaining myself. Im just going to say i broke my promise to be a better man, honestly i did try and i thought i could overcome it myself, but i failed, so once again.. im sorry. But ive been willing to change in a split second for you, would you have done the same? are you willing to change for someone other than yourself. i dont know how we are at this point, if you don't ever wanna talk to me again id understand.

when i got picked up by BOTH my mom and dad. i put on a smile and told them i had a wonderful time. I just said " yes,no,it was good." but i really didnt wanna talk anymore, so i told em i was tired and i asked them if they could stop asking me so many questions. But my dad takes it the wrong way and starts yelling about how im a disobedient child and how he's been so patient with me. I WAS ALREADY FEELING LIKE SHIT, THANKS. without thinking i slam the door out , but then i quickly i say sorry because i know when my dad gets mad. and i guess this is the time when my eyes become red and warm tears start comin down from this and today's events. My dad hears this and sees my tears and immediately starts trash talking me the whole ride saying " YOU PATHETIC PUSSY, your of no use to me. you should be embarrrassed to be crying.etc etc" I just stay quiet, taking ever insult he dished out and took a looong shower when i get home trying to wash out the redness in my eyes, and release the rest of the emotions left. THEN its my mom's turn she comes into my room after the shower and gives me a guilt trip saying " is this really how you're going to behave, is this really all you can offer your parents when we take care of you and etc etc." greattt this day just gets better and better.

i just wanna.. stop everything. just stop time so i can take a breathe or two and get ready for the next problem.

-thomas